An exclusive look at what actually goes on in IB classes…
Teacher: Now you see how there are many words starting with ‘C’ here? This symbolizes the naive white attitude to black sexuality.
Me: How do you figure that?
Teacher: Well, the repeated sounds sort of give that image. Do you get it?
Me: Not really. I mean, there aren’t even that many words starting with ‘C’.
Teacher: Oh. Well. Look, theres some words starting with ‘K’ and ‘Q’.
Me: But that’s not ‘C’.
Teacher: ‘K’ and ‘Q’ are practically ‘C’.
Teacher: Alright people. You have to do the study. Every day!
Teacher: I am like a car going in fifth gear. You must keep up!
Me: Wouldn’t it be hard to run alongside a car going in fifth gear?
Teacher: Yes. That is why you must do the study. Every day!
Me: Hmmmm… so what are you teaching us today?
Teacher: I am not a teacher. I am just a facilitator.
Me: But you’re being paid teacher’s rates, right?
Teacher: I am sorry, Sha-sha. I do not understand. Please do the study.
Teacher: Alright class, today we’ll be watching a movie called “Battleship Potemkin”. It’s a very good film and you can learn a lot about pre-Revolution Russia from it.
Me: Isn’t that a Communist propaganda film? Commissioned by Lenin himself?
Teacher: Um…. er…… ok then. *plays film*
Teacher: Alright class, today we’ll be watching a documentary called “Ten Days That Shook The World” *plays film*
Narrator: The entire army had mutinied. The Provisional Government was now left without its military support. The only group that remained loyal to them was the Women’s Battalion.
*film cuts to video of women marching out of time*
(Class consists of three of us Australian citizens on one side of the room, and a bunch of international students on the other side)
Teacher: So what is a gradient?
(People put their hands up; Teacher chooses one of the international students)
Student: *Something unintelligible*
Teacher: Not what I’m thinking of. Gradient is what happens when you wait “one”.
Me: Isn’t gradient “rise over run”.
Teacher: No. Its what happens when you wait “one”. So what is the gradient of this graph? You!
Another student: Um…. er…..
Teacher: Its one over four….
Me: Rise over run!
Teacher: Shut up. Its one over four…. so that means… how many fours go into one?
Student: Um…. er…. one?
Teacher: Not what I’m thinking of.
(Class is HL Maths = harder than Specialist. As thus, 95% of the class are international students. About two of them can speak English)
Teacher: Alright. Today we’re going to learn about complex numbers.
Me: That sounds complex
Teacher: Not really. It’s easier than the stuff we did last week.
Me: Very well then.
Teacher: So pretty much what it is, there’s an imaginary number called ‘i’, which is equal to the square root of negative one.
One of the international students that can sort of speak English: But Sir. You cannot square root a negative number.
Teacher: Yes. I know. That’s why we call it an ‘imaginary number’.
Me: Fair enough.
Student: *tries to imagine a number which squares to give negative one* I do not understand, Sir!
Teacher: Don’t worry. Just know that ‘i’ squared is negative one.
International students: *confer in Mandarin*
Teacher: Alright. Today we’re going to study measures of central tendency. This is used in psychology to understand the information you have. There are several methods to do this….
Me: Why are there several packets of chocolate cookies on your desk?
Teacher: Because we’re going to use them to help us learn about sampling.
Teacher: We are going to take one chocolate cookie of brand and count the number of choc chips in them. Then you’re going to fill in this worksheet. Then you can eat the cookies.
Me: Did you pay for those cookies?
Teacher: No, I charged them to the school account *starts eating cookies* Now, come up and put on a rubber glove and take one of each kind of cookie. Peter. You’re first.
Peter: *walks up to front, puts on a glove, takes a cookie. then takes a big bite out of it*
Teacher: Don’t eat your participants!