International Baccalaureate

An exclusive look at what actually goes on in IB classes…

 

English Class:

Teacher: Now you see how there are many words starting with ‘C’ here? This symbolizes the naive white attitude to black sexuality.

Me: How do you figure that?

Teacher: Well, the repeated sounds sort of give that image. Do you get it?

Me: Not really. I mean, there aren’t even that many words starting with ‘C’.

Teacher: Oh. Well. Look, theres some words starting with ‘K’ and ‘Q’.

Me: But that’s not ‘C’.

Teacher: ‘K’ and ‘Q’ are practically ‘C’.

 

Indonesian Class:

Teacher: Alright people. You have to do the study. Every day!

Me: Why?

Teacher: I am like a car going in fifth gear. You must keep up!

Me: Wouldn’t it be hard to run alongside a car going in fifth gear?

Teacher: Yes. That is why you must do the study. Every day!

Me: Hmmmm… so what are you teaching us today?

Teacher: I am not a teacher. I am just a facilitator.

Me: But you’re being paid teacher’s rates, right?

Teacher: I am sorry, Sha-sha. I do not understand. Please do the study.

 

History Class:

Teacher: Alright class, today we’ll be watching a movie called “Battleship Potemkin”. It’s a very good film and you can learn a lot about pre-Revolution Russia from it.

Me: Isn’t that a Communist propaganda film? Commissioned by Lenin himself?

Teacher: Um…. er…… ok then. *plays film*

(another day)

Teacher: Alright class, today we’ll be watching a documentary called “Ten Days That Shook The World” *plays film*

Narrator: The entire army had mutinied. The Provisional Government was now left without its military support. The only group that remained loyal to them was the Women’s Battalion.

*film cuts to video of women marching out of time*

Me: LOL!

 

Physics Class:

(Class consists of three of us Australian citizens on one side of the room, and a bunch of international students on the other side)

Teacher: So what is a gradient?

(People put their hands up; Teacher chooses one of the international students)

Student: *Something unintelligible*

Teacher: Not what I’m thinking of. Gradient is what happens when you wait “one”.

Me: Isn’t gradient “rise over run”.

Teacher: No. Its what happens when you wait “one”. So what is the gradient of this graph? You!

Another student: Um…. er…..

Teacher: Its one over four….

Me: Rise over run!

Teacher: Shut up. Its one over four…. so that means… how many fours go into one?

Student: Um…. er…. one?

Teacher: Not what I’m thinking of.

 

Maths Class:

(Class is HL Maths = harder than Specialist. As thus, 95% of the class are international students. About two of them can speak English)

Teacher: Alright. Today we’re going to learn about complex numbers.

Me: That sounds complex

Teacher: Not really. It’s easier than the stuff we did last week.

Me: Very well then.

Teacher: So pretty much what it is, there’s an imaginary number called ‘i’, which is equal to the square root of negative one.

One of the international students that can sort of speak English: But Sir. You cannot square root a negative number.

Teacher: Yes. I know. That’s why we call it an ‘imaginary number’.

Me: Fair enough.

Student: *tries to imagine a number which squares to give negative one* I do not understand, Sir!

Teacher: Don’t worry. Just know that ‘i’ squared is negative one.

International students: *confer in Mandarin*

 

Psychology Class:

Teacher: Alright. Today we’re going to study measures of central tendency. This is used in psychology to understand the information you have. There are several methods to do this….

Me: Why are there several packets of chocolate cookies on your desk?

Teacher: Because we’re going to use them to help us learn about sampling.

Me: Oh.

Teacher: We are going to take one chocolate cookie of brand and count the number of choc chips in them. Then you’re going to fill in this worksheet. Then you can eat the cookies.

Me: Did you pay for those cookies?

Teacher: No, I charged them to the school account *starts eating cookies* Now, come up and put on a rubber glove and take one of each kind of cookie. Peter. You’re first.

Peter: *walks up to front, puts on a glove, takes a cookie. then takes a big bite out of it*

Teacher: Don’t eat your participants!

My Love Affair With Tshirts

I have to confess, I do have a thing for tshirts. I have a rather large collection already but whenever I see a specialty tshirt shops (especially funky or funny ones), I make a mental note to revisit once I’m a millionaire. Or if I’m on the internet and there’s an ad for tshirts on the side, I always click. It’s a compulsion. Here are some of my favourite tshirt sites:

Snorg Tees: A fantastic collection of generally unoffensive, quirky tshirts. Various references to pop culture (Anchorman, Simpsons, Mario, etc…) and all quite fun and whimsical!  Favourites include: the one with the chocolate rabbits, one for the mathematicians; and a fantastic fix of egotism and 16-bit nostalgia.

Band Geek Hero: A collection of Guitar Hero-esque designs for all the instruments Sony never bothered to make games. My favourite is Piano Hero (although I’m obviously biased…), but other good (and weird!) ones include Kazoo Hero, Sitar Hero, Glockenspiel Hero and, of course, Triangle Hero (links not provided because they don’t work for some reason, but go to the site and have a look at the picture)

XKCD: Not a specialty tshirt site, but it is my favourite webcomic site and they do have a store (which features, among other things, tshirts). Some of these tees seem to be comprehensible only to people intimate with computer programming, but some are just good for a laugh (no prerequisite knowledge).

T-Shirt Hell: A collection of unashamedly crude, vulgar and politically incorrect tees. Don’t click the link if you are easily offended, and if you do, don’t come crying to me. You’ve had your warning. Some of the less offensive ones include: this one, this one; and this one.

80s Tees: I found this website when clicking an ad on the side of a Facebook page. I never click Facebook ads, but as I’ve said, I always click tshirt ads; so it would have been a case of an irresistible force meeting an unmovable object, but the tshirt being promoted had a picture of George Costanza, so the ad won. The website isn’t as sleek or flash as the others, but there is a large variety of tshirts. There are Seinfeld tshirts, video game tshirts and 80s movie tshirts, just to name a few (although I’m pretty sure Seinfeld was from the 90s…). My favourites include the Soup Nazi tshirt, another Mario one; and “Inconceivable!”.

That’s it for now. I think I’ve gone on about tshirts for long enough, but I’m always on the lookout for more; and if I ever make it big, I won’t be buying massive mansions and flash cars– I’ll be buying tshirts by the thousand. But until then, I’ll just look at the pretty pictures on the internet and occasionally save one to use as an avatar.